my life...

been a while since I've update. been pretty busy lately with school and work. I've also been thinking a lot.. seems like that's all I ever do. Thinking about what the next day will hold. I've also been thinking a lot about lessons I've learned in life just over the last year or so. The only one that really sticks out with me is not to be too trusting cause nine times outta ten you will get hurt. I've been thinking a lot on the whole mess with me and Mitch, and what happened at camp when brother Fred told me to keep believing and that he saw him coming up that hill. I finally took my engagement ring off Monday night.. but now I'm even questioning if that was the right thing to do? I feel like I'm giving up on me and Him. I've always told Mitch that once I took it off that was it, to forget about me.. but in reality down in my heart I can't forget about him. I've tried. the guy that liked me at church said that I needed to wait on Mitch and that he didn't like me after all, that he prayed about it and just seen us as friends. now I'm wondering why God would allow this to happen? is he protecting both of us from getting hurt, or did God not allow it because he knew Mitch would come back and really love me? another thing that really stays on my mind a lot is why come I couldn't marry the one I loved when everyone else around me got to marry their one true love, or the one they wanted to be with their whole life? part of me feels like I've got the wrong end of the deal and its so hard to not get hateful thoughts about it, or to keep from asking God why outta of the millions of people why me? what did I do to deserve to go trough all of this? what I wouldn't give to have a family...

Roni, the above is just me rambling getting stuff off my mind.. don't feel bad for me.. part of me is grateful that I went through what I did. I believe it made me a stronger Christan now then I was before and one day Mitch will grow. who knows why we even go through the things we do. I keep trusting that the next day will be better then the day before. anyway enough of me rambling going to watch house and work on some trig. Roni please keep me in your prayers.